i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
