What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
