if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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