You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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