The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
