just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
