It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
