You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im holly from the hills drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
