CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
