sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
