dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
