I heard we made out
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
