you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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