I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
