Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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