So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
