How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
