his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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