Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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