Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
