Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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