He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
