I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
