you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
