You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
