Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
