I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
