Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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