i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
