Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
