Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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