420 ftw
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
