Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
