I faked an abortion last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
