and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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