This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
