I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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