i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
