Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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