So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
