i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
