cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
