What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
