I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
