lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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