i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
