As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
