I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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