I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
