Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
