so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
