did you get engaged???
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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