Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I party with great urgency now.
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