I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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