Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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