i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
