I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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