legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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