and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
