Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
