she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
