made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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