Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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