If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
