i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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