she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
