do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
