Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
