There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
