Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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