so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
