smell my finger.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
