His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
