small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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