Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Houston, we have a blender
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
