I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
