I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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