I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just high enough for therapy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
