What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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