guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
