she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
